Laika’s Spout – Game Reviews and Objectionably Sardonic Ramblings.


Tabloid Journalism and Obama’s Americanism.
December 4, 2008, 7:19 pm
Filed under: In the News | Tags: , , , ,

 

Revealed! Shocking! Exclusive! All words you’d usually associate with Heat Magazine or some other ghastly form of sheer banality and pisswittery, yes? Surprised was I, to find an article from the usually lovely Guardian ‘revealing’ the alleged British torture of Barack Obama’s Grandfather. See, that word is somewhat suited when describe some form of (abbreviated to, for some fucking stupid reason) ‘celeb gossip’. But torture, really?  To be fair, I mustn’t really regard everyone who works for The Guardian as a collective whole so instead, I won’t, I’ll just have a go at Owen Bowcott, the sensationalist arsecandle.

Don’t get me wrong, torture is a terrible thing and shouldn’t really be tolerated under any circumstances because as soon as you do, you lose civil liberties quicker than baby teeth on a Crunchie. Just tabloid journalistic sensationalism really gets up my arse… in a bad way. Gee Owen, what other delightful relics do you have to offer us?

 

Could Britain’s colonial sins pose a risk to our relationship with the soon-to-be most powerful person on Earth?

 

Owen, darling, light of my life… you’re an idiot. Let’s speculate and perpetuate, seems to be the in-thing for tabloiders like your self, all asking the public monumentally and unquestionably thick-headed rhetoric with no purpose other than to get us to all hate someone else. According to Bowcott, Obama ‘isn’t a fan of British Colonialism’; I’ll be the first one to admit that neither are fucking we. Patriotism I can deal with, perhaps even tolerate in small doses but colonialism? Even the most extreme forms of partriotism, like the British Fascist, I mean National Party aren’t in favour of invading other countries for our gain anymore because it just means the entire world will hate us and blow us back to kingdom come. But in case it’s not clear enough I am, right now, going to perform a public act of apology for our colonial bastardry. Sorry.

 

In other Barack Obama-related news: some bitter bastards are attempting to file lawsuits regarding his citizenship, again. Just to make this absolutely crystal clear, Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii (the last time I checked, being right fucking now, this was the United States’ 50th state) to a white American mother from Wichita, Texas (often cited as the American ‘heartland’) and has lived in the USA all of his life. So, by my often-misguided and ill-informed reckoning, this makes him more American than Big Macs, Guantanamo Bay and not fucking a flying fuck about the environment, combined.

One of those filing a lawsuit is Alan Keyes, the very same Alan Keyes who also ran for Junior State Senator in 2004 and lost. I’ve seen sour grapes before but my god, I imagine on hearing Obama had won the election Keyes may’ve pulled a face like The Pope had just shoved a grapefruit up his arse. His legislation not only disputes Obama’s Americanism, but also the halt certification of votes in the state of California which, of all the states, holds the most electoral college votes with 55 with its closest rival being Texas with a meager 34. Even with only the projected Electoral College votes, this would reduce Obama’s lead over McCain from 192 to 137. In layman’s terms, Keyes is even more of a cockfuck than Bowcott, as this legislation, even if passed, would be about as significant as stamping on a pavement, with the ultimate goal of flattening the universe.

Stop splurging out sensationalist gobshite about Obama, stop trying to derail his presidency because you’re going to fucking lose. And write some real news, for fucks sake.

And I promise this will be the last time I mention Jesus V2.0, so for your entertainment and probably bemusement:


 

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